Zooass - Who We Are


Legend has it that Sir was raised in an abandoned mine by moles. Sir and Ogopogo.

Sir: Man or Myth? An elusive, mysterious creature, Sir is rarely seen by the human eye. To the lower left we see Sir in Canada's Lake Okanagan with fabled sea creature, Ogopogo. According to reports, they were soused at the time. "We thought they was those mermaid things at first – those half-fish lasses with the big titties – so we set a course to get us some mouth love real quick. They was singin' real sexy like." claimed Captain Pierre LaCrotch. To their surprise, they came upon Sir and Ogopogo, swimming side by side and singing a medley of drinking tunes once popular with marauding lake pirates. Startled by the approach of the ship, the duo swiftly gathered the floating bottles of whiskey and descended into the murky depths below.

Sir with a case of
fine malt beverage.

It is true! I once had a mullet! Click on the banner above to peruse over a dozen pictures of me with my mullet and have a good laugh on my behalf!

Recently unearthed! Check out my childhood shrunken head collection, created with the Vincent Price Shrunken Head kit. No wonder I turned out so warped! Once upon a time (back in '86) my silly friends and I followed in the footsteps of Spinal Tap and formed a band of sorts called Rodentura - Ratt was already taken, you know. I have encoded these classics from the original master tapes for your listening pleasure! Music for all Hello! Nice to meet you, shit-head! With or Without You Bitch - U2 with a twist starring me as Bono. Rodentura - The title track for the band. What an ominous intro! Girls - How many stupid rhymes relating to girls can a group come up with. Always remember... girls in grease are a sign of peace. Naked Women in High Heels - A remake of a Dead Babies (Rodentura's predecessor) tune originally played with suitcase drums, a Commodore 64 keyboard program, and a single guitar string. Thrashing Betty Lou - A staple Rodentura tune and real hit with our lady fans... all three of them! Girls - Live - Listen to Rodenture perform in a basement to an audience of 4. Our biggest concert ever! Lots of awful guitar noises in this one! The Rock and Roll Kid - A litty ditty where the drummer sings and I attempt to drum. Attempt is the key word here. What Makes Me Happy - One of Rodentura's darker tunes... if you call scratching a pick on a single string a tune, that is! Mendham Sucks - This one is actually by the Dead Babies, Rodentura's predecessor. Teen angst at it's best! Baby Sir: A Look Back Here we have two rare specimens indeed. To the left you see a picture of Baby Sir at 8 months old. Notice the proximity of the bat to Baby Sir's hand and the positioning of the doll. This strategic arrangement is known as the ground and bludgeon position. Sir was a violent little brat... but then again, you would be too if the doctor smacked you on the wrong side when you were born. The practice of these early fighting techniques never paid off, however. Poor Sir still got the shit kicked out of him time and time again... and he remembers every single one of you... and he will get you... oh yes! To the right we see an award given to Sir in 1976. Before the genesis of Zooass, this was the last time Sir was truly praised for his achievements. It only took 21 years! Sir's Alter Ego: Roadkill Man On the 31st of October, Sir's idiotic alter ego has been known to possess his body. At this moment, he is transformed into a half-faced superhero with a passion for life. Woman have been known to drop to their knees at the site of his sensual superhero crotchpiece. Here is his story... "Abandoned by the roadside at birth, I was claimed by a roving gang of rabid squirrels and taken to the backwoods. Raised on a diet of acorns and peyote, I learned the wise ways of my rodent saviors— raiding birds' nests... terrorizing chipmunks... chasing the finer female squirrels up trees in a horny frenzy. But one by one I saw my furry friends flattened to a bloody pulp on the spot— victims of the American road. When my time had come and that drunken Canadian ran over my head with an ice-cream truck and left me for dead I found my true purpose in life. The senseless killing of animals on our roads is intolerable! And I will be the one to stop it! Because I am Roadkill Man! That is why! And I'd flip a busload of screaming brats just to save a kitty!" Traveling the World in Search of Its Many Wonders Here we see Sir in the Sex Museum in Amsterdam. Sir immersed himself thoroughly in the culture of this fine place. And he didn't even have to break any laws. Here we see Sir attempting to kill himself by recklesslessy jumping out of a cable car and stumbling down waterfalls. My Stupid Blog Here's my stupid blog! Updated daily for your viewing pleasure!

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