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Sunday, March 14, 2010

The voices in my head are getting louder. Not sure what to do. Coaxed the tapeworm out with a warm piece of cheese. She seems really nice. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Ran out of alcohol so drank vanilla extract and mouthwash. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Gave my girl the Dirty Sanchez. Followed it up with a Donkey Punch. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter. Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Coaxed the tapeworm out with a warm piece of cheese. She seems really nice. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Ran out of alcohol so drank vanilla extract and mouthwash. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Didn't feel good. Puked so hard I got a nose bleed. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening. Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke. Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Had a roast beef, ham, balogna, salami, turkey and chicken sandwich topped with bacon... just to piss PETA off. Fucking vegetarians. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter. Coaxed the tapeworm out with a warm piece of cheese. She seems really nice. Shaved my ass. Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. The voices in my head are getting louder. Not sure what to do. Had a roast beef, ham, balogna, salami, turkey and chicken sandwich topped with bacon... just to piss PETA off. Fucking vegetarians. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Ran out of alcohol so drank vanilla extract and mouthwash. A couple Mormons came by to spread the word of the Lord. Invited them in, wrapped them in duct tape and hid them in the cellar with the others.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Shaved my ass. The voices in my head are getting louder. Not sure what to do. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs.