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Saturday, May 26, 2012

Spanked it to The Little Mermaid. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke.

Friday, May 25, 2012

The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Coaxed the tapeworm out with a warm piece of cheese. She seems really nice. Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Had a roast beef, ham, balogna, salami, turkey and chicken sandwich topped with bacon... just to piss PETA off. Fucking vegetarians. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. A couple Mormons came by to spread the word of the Lord. Invited them in, wrapped them in duct tape and hid them in the cellar with the others. Shaved my ass. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Gave my girl the Dirty Sanchez. Followed it up with a Donkey Punch. Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter. Shaved my ass. A couple Mormons came by to spread the word of the Lord. Invited them in, wrapped them in duct tape and hid them in the cellar with the others. Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Had a roast beef, ham, balogna, salami, turkey and chicken sandwich topped with bacon... just to piss PETA off. Fucking vegetarians. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening. The voices in my head are getting louder. Not sure what to do. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

A couple Mormons came by to spread the word of the Lord. Invited them in, wrapped them in duct tape and hid them in the cellar with the others. The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Shaved my ass. The voices in my head are getting louder. Not sure what to do. Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage.