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Friday, September 3, 2010

Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Shaved my ass. Spanked it to The Little Mermaid. Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed. Gave my girl the Dirty Sanchez. Followed it up with a Donkey Punch.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Spanked it to The Little Mermaid. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening. Ran out of alcohol so drank vanilla extract and mouthwash. Spanked it to The Little Mermaid. Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke. Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed.