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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Didn't feel good. Puked so hard I got a nose bleed. Shaved my ass. Kleepkelp won't leave me alone. Today he told me to kill them them all. Maybe I will. Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. A couple Mormons came by to spread the word of the Lord. Invited them in, wrapped them in duct tape and hid them in the cellar with the others. Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke.

Friday, February 3, 2012

The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind. Ran out of alcohol so drank vanilla extract and mouthwash. Finally had a threesome with two hot chicks! Then I woke up. Dammit! Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. Spanked it to The Little Mermaid.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Had a nutritious meal of Slim Jims and Olympia. Pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs. Had many interesting conversations today, but don't remember any of them. Come to think of it, I wasn't even listening. Shaved my ass. Coaxed the tapeworm out with a warm piece of cheese. She seems really nice. Smoked my honeybear then ate a stick of butter. Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Sharted in my pants at work. Wrapped soiled underwear in paper towels and hid in the garbage. Swallowed a bug biking with my mouth open. Put my dick in my pants too early and peed on my underwear. Tried the coffee and lettuce diet... shit the bed. A couple Mormons came by to spread the word of the Lord. Invited them in, wrapped them in duct tape and hid them in the cellar with the others. Decided to end it all by downing Pop Rocks with Coke. The squirrel in my back yard told me that they were after me. Then he threatened to kill me if I didn't give him pistachios. The red kind.