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Friday, September 3, 2010

Had explosive diarrhea. I sat nude in the empty bathtub while trying to think of various ways to kill myself, until I realized that a new Lord of Rings glossy picture book was being released next week. I no longer want to kill myself... at least not for now. Drank so much bourbon that I had to get a hotel room. Threw up in the bed. Inhaled and entire cannister of Dust-Off. Saw a spider and screamed like a girl. Got baked. Ate 3 packs of ramen noodles. Lit a fart.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Heard a noise in the hallway. Waited with my gun. That thing on my toe just oozed some more pus. Sort of tastes like licorice. Jerked off to Big Bad Mama Jama video. Got baked. Ate 3 packs of ramen noodles. I sat nude in the empty bathtub while trying to think of various ways to kill myself, until I realized that a new Lord of Rings glossy picture book was being released next week. I no longer want to kill myself... at least not for now. Farted in my hand and smelled it. So sweaty... will it ever stop?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Spanked it to skanky internet porn. Inhaled and entire cannister of Dust-Off. Lit a fart. Paid a homeless woman $5 to blow me. Jerked off to Big Bad Mama Jama video. Had explosive diarrhea. Smoked weed. Ate a bag of beef jerky and 6 packages of snack crackers.