Destination: Gravity Hill Location: New Paris, PA Directions: Exit 11 of the PA Turnpike - click here for the brochure Hours: All day long, all year round Cost: Free Synopsis: Drive to the middle of nowhere to see your car roll uphill.

Zooass Report: The dopes at Zooass have always been willing to drive ridiculously out of our way to see something completely moronic. Thus was the case with the mysterious Gravity Hill. I first learned about this wonder in a brochure I picked up in one of those towns that solely exists to serve roadtrippers junk food and caffeine. There was a one page ad printed upside down describing this miracle of nature. Was Gravity Hill so powerful that it had caused the printing press to defy the laws of physics and flip upside down at the moment of printing? Was it a freak accident? Or did some country bumpkin think he was being clever? The world will never know. In any case, I quickly called the toll free number to get my very own Gravity Hill tourism guide. What seemed like an eternity later (New Paris still delivers by mule, you know), I received my map to adventure. Before I knew it, their advanced marketing techniques had me dying to hit the road. According the brochure, I could drive to Gravity Hill for a lot less than renting a space suit and booking a seat on the space shuttle - which would cost me well over $10. Well over $10? I guess their "space shuttle" was constructed of garbage cans and old car parts, probably the next town over's claim to fame. Anyway, how could I resist a place where "cars roll uphill, water flows the wrong way... it's a place where gravity has gone haywire." Could it be a "definite gravity warp in the earth" or a tourist starved New Paris economy with a trick up her sleeve? I had to find out. We (2 Zooasses and 4 silly friends) took two cars to Gravity Hill, following the directions in the brochure closely, yet still getting lost in farmland. We drove right over the "small metal bridge" without even noticing it. They weren't kidding when they said it was small. Then, before you know it... we were there... mesmerized by the powerful vortex below (I had just farted). The budget for this tourist attraction was quite modest. A can of spraypaint is all it took. There it was, spraypainted in the middle of the road - "GH START" with an arrow pointing in the direction from which we just came. "Some folks would call this vandalism, but here in New Paris we call it tourism!" It did indeed seem like we had just driven down a hill. We put our cars in neutral, waited, and... ...were shocked! An instant later our cars were slowly rolling back up the hill (a blind hill I might add... had a truck decided to come flying over that hill we would have been roadkill!). We did this twice more and got quite a chuckle out of it (no... it doesn't take much to amuse us). Unfortunately, we had forgotten to bring some sporting goods to watch roll uphill like the brochure suggested, but we did get to witness a can of Pepsi defy gravity. Good clean fun, I say! After that we moved on to the second Gravity Hill, which was indicated by a telephone pole with the number "69" on it. Suddenly, the laws of gravity caused us to have a wild orgy. Actually, they just caused us to roll uphill again. Having already had our cherries popped on the first Gravity Hill, this wasn't that exciting. Had we lost the flame already? Perhaps. Did we discover the true nature of this modern day miracle? Perhaps. But telling you would just spoil the fun! So hit the road and have fun, and don't forget to take a picture of you and your friends hanging brain under the "SAC" sign at that silly gas station on the way! Sir PS. If you visit Gravity Hill and think it sucks or get abducted and butt raped by Billy Bob and his horny hog Hugo don't come crying to us!