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Destination: Dinosaurland Location: White Post, Virginia, USA Directions: At intersection 277, 522 and 340 between Winchester and Front Royal, VA Phone Number: (540) 869-2222 Hours: March 1 to Dec 31 9:30 a.m. - 6:30 p.m. (earlier in fall and winter) Cost: $4 a head. T-rex needs a new coat of paint. Web Site: www.dinosaurland.com Synopsis: Concrete dinosaurs built in the 60s. "Spectacular and colossal! Out of this world! Unbelievable but true!" (Dinosaurland brochure) |
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Zooass Report:
A couple miles after passing a rusty statue of what appeared to be an Indian (American, that is) passed out on a giant horse, we came upon them. Guardians of the intersection. Please do not run our lights, lest the wrath of the dinosaurs be upon you. Is it me, or does that goofy looking dinosaur have an overbite? After checking out our friends on the corner, we moved on to the real teaser. Behind the official Dinosaurland chain-link containment fence (look out Jurassic Park!) was just a taste of things to come. A giant (90' supposedly) woodland octopus, a 60' beached great white, a little dino, and some sort of half human half otter creature gathered round the aged but proud Dinosaurland sign. God bless America. After entering the "Jaws of Death" (a dinosaur head around a couple doors) we found ourselves in the belly of the beast... a gift shop of course! We forked over our 4 bucks a head (the dinosaurs need paint, you know) and moved on to see what was behind door number one. Instantly we were transported back in time to a prehistoric forest... as represented by a spray-painted hallway and plastic trees with faces and archway mouths, oh my! Suddenly I had the urge for a McDonald's happy meal. Grimace? Is that you? A couple yards later and we were in.
We continued into the sparse forest to see many a handcrafted reptile. They remarkably simulated the flight of a pterodactyl by chucking it in a tree. And what's this? A velociraptor? Interesting. The concrete on this one still seems to be setting. The action didn't stop there folks. Up ahead was a flesh-ripping battle between a T-rex and a brontosaurus. Those Hollywood hotshots think they're the shit with their mechanical dinos and fancy computers. Let's see what you can do with a bag of Quick Crete and a can of Sherwin Williams, fucko! And there's triceratops looking between the legs of another monster. Hey now. What's going on here? We continued on through this living B-movie at a very rapid pace. Not because of the frightening lifelike dinos and their baby dinobrats, but because of the pestering real life mosquitoes. Just past the Giant Cobra and Giant Praying Mantis, who once ruled the earth, we came upon the grand finale. Kong. There was no sign saying "STAY THE FUCK OFF!" here, but a welcoming walkway leading right into the palm of old King Kong. By the look of the struggling cripples beside their toppled wheelchairs at Kong's feet, his palm was not ADA compliant. OK maybe I made that part up... but I did personally grace the palm of Kong. The world is a very good place.
So concluded our trip to Dinosaur Land. A marvel we just had to see before it went the way of the Drive-in. Check out the Dinosaurland photo tour! 
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After a hard day of wiping out on mountain bikes and drinking MD 20/20 and Boone's around a campfire, we like to unwind with some stupid fun. Only a stone's throw out of our way, Dinosaur Land, a 60s relic that has somehow survived the test of time, was sure to please! 
We began our tour by checking out the land shark (of course I had to pose in it's mouth like a jackass), the woodland octo and the legendary otterman. For relics of their age, these concrete giants were in surprisingly good condition. Perhaps the "DO NOT CLIMB ON ANIMALS" signs really worked!
Moments later we exited into, you guessed it, the gift shop. Here we perused their fine wares. And they got us. We walked off with the amazing dinosaur that grows a zillion times it's original size in water and so many of those plastic animal grabbers on sticks that we just might have to make an animated series with them (or at least that was the idea). If only the faltering technology companies of today had such things to fall back on!