A Farewell to Tyrone Tyrone was a good fish. He came to me one cold late winter morning. He was bruised, weary and defeated. He came from a broken home where he constantly fought with another Beta fish. His fins were torn, his spirit broken. I gave him a good home, mid-century modern with a hint of Polynesia. He had perfectly bite-size gourmet pellets fed to him daily. Slowly he began to trust me. His muted orange fins grew back. He started to eat regularly. He settled into his posh new Herman Miller cylinder pad quite. He became "regular," "going" at least once every two days. He'd puff up when visitors came by to say hello but he still had a kind heart. I'd always say, "Tyrone is a lover, not a hater." Well, this little lover has now gone to a better place. On the morning of Thursday, October 7 at exactly 9:32am, Tyrone was announced dead of natural causes. He didn't jump out of the tank, he didn't choke on a pellet that was too big for him. He just laid his little body down on the smooth stones below him and went to sleep. He's swimming in that big fish bowl in the sky. I do hope he lived a good life. All I ask is that you say a little prayer for my Tyrone. Please do not send flowers. I will instead be accepting donations to the "BETA Foundation" helping to relocate abused Beta fish to better homes. Thank you. Waj

In Memory of Sam... He Asked For It! That damn fish, Sam... always such a pig. Without thanks, I fed him and fed him... it was never enough. I'd come home and the bloody fish was flashing his penis to my gerbil. The bastard always wanted all the attention. Asleep in the night, I'd hear faint whispers in my ear... "Listen here you stupid fagbagger, I need my water changed!" One day I was watching one of those sappy vet shows on Animal Planet and found out that anti-freeze will kill just about anything... "I want a mixed drink, you fucknut!" "Here's your mixed drink," I said, as the green poisonous liquid sloshed around the glass... Cheers! Martin

	Jenny: 11 Days of Glory This aquaplot is dedicated in loving memory to my poor little fish, Jenny. I extend my warmest thoughts to you Jenny, and hope your new life in the crystalline waters of the heavens is all that you dreamed it would be. I profess my undying love to you in a poem.
	Ode to Jenny I took you from that carnival hag, and freed you from your plastic bag. I gave you love, I gave you glee, and then you had to die on me. I thought you cared you pisces ho, now down the toilet you must go. I'll think of you every time I eat, a fishstick, sushi, or sea treat.	Jenny April 10-20, 1997 Send condolences to Sir.

		Bob the Runt    Born 5-7-97   Died 12-27-97      If Bob was bigger the filter     wouldn't have sucked him in.

Ode to Clyde Clyde!! I call your name to the tank of despair; with a glimmer of hope that you'd still be there. I wish I knew who did this to you; was it Spot, Fireball, or your best buddy Blue? I just don't understand, I kept them well fed; now all I have left is part of your head. I will check the cat's litter, for a fin or a tail; if fluffy did this, he'll be sent straight to hell! I sit here alone, in utter despair; taking so much prozac, I'm loosing my hair. I'll sing you a song every night before bed; I'll sing to the ears of your left for scrap head! Rest well my friend Clyde, with the bitten off ass, I hereby commit you to a plot on Zooass!

Have you Seen Clyde's Tail? Who the fuck swiped my tail?! A heinous crime has been committed and we need your help. On March 31, 1998, Clyde the fish was found floating dead in his aquarium. His tail was nowhere to be seen. If you have any information that might lead to the apprehension and arrest of his assailant please let us know... we will immediately flush the wrongdoer.

Send condolences to Zooette.

Disclaimer: The fish contained herein died of natural causes. Their deaths were in no way prematurely caused for the sole purpose of slapping on a scanner, digitally altering, and hosting on this fine web site.