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Special Occasions
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Title:
Happy Fucking Anniversary
Text:
Happy Fucking Anniversary. A friendly little postcard from Zooass.com.
Contents:
Did your long-time lover cheat on you? Did your spouse divorce your ass and take everything but the kitchen sink? Get laid off from your job after years of loyal service? Well here's your chance to tell them how you feel with a sentimental "fuck you very much!" Alternate version also available.
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Title:
Happy Birthday
Text:
Happy Birthday! Candles Extinguished!
Contents:
This drunken freak wants to wish you a Happy Birthday... from the bottom of his stomach! Touch the picture to blow out the candles.
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Javascript Image Swapper
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Title:
New Born Terror
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I was trapped in there for 9 months...HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!
Contents:
We've all gone through it, but this young Navy Seal doesn't take crap from anyone.
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Independence Day
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Title:
George W. Bush Bottle Rocket
Contents:
A lot has changed since the Bin Blaster days! Show your patriotism by launching a George W. Bush Bottle Rocket and making way for somebody real. Tabula rosa, baby!
Look out kiddies! Because when you reach into the Zooass candy bowl you just might get a handful of high fructose porn syrup! Marvel at the horniest Candy Corns on earth!
The Queen of Spew is back! No... We're not talking about Callista Flockhart... It's the foul-mouthed freak from the Exorcist spinning the night away to her favorite 80s tune. Decorate the priest with a blast of bile. (See what happens when you molest little boys?) But that's not all! Now demon girl blows chunks on her not so favorite celebrities. Joy! Joy! New for '09! We've added a whole new batch of celebs to boot on! Hopefully they won't start keeling over dead like the two from the original... is this thing cursed?
Member Bonus:
She's bursting at both ends! Hit 'em with an anal blast in Celebrity Demon Poo!
Part Don King! Part OJ! Part Mike Tyson! Part Snoop Dogg! Part Will Smith! Part Flavor Flav! Plus the brain of a pimp! This is Frankenbrother - created with love in the twisted labs of Zooass!
ALMOST everyone enjoys a holiday that involves the senseless slaughter of thousands of turkeys just for the purpose of tradition.
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Christmas
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Title:
Santa's Shit List
Text:
Your friend's name. Coal. Dog shit.
Contents:
Santa has a better plan for all you naughty boys and girls than giving you coal. After all, why would he gift you with a valuable form of fossil fuel when he could give you a baggy of shit? Choose from Surprised Santa, Pissed Santa or Jolly With Shit Santa!
Celebrity Nutcracker - Select a celebrity, then crack his nuts!
Contents:
Poor nuts. Mercilessly crunched beyond recognition every yuletide season in the jaws of those hideous, flapping-mouthed soldiers. Well nuts of the world rejoice! It's time to stop picking on plant life, and start teaching mankind a lesson! Flip celebrities into the jaws of the Zooass Celebrity Nutcracker and crack their family jewels!
Hans the Destroyer has finally outdone himself this time. Here he stands on the carcass of one former Saint Nick and surveys his newest cuts of venison.
The Mall... Happy Holidays from Zooass to Your Ass.
Contents:
Ah, Christmas! A time of joy and love, or just another annoying holiday? And suppose you don't even celebrate it, yet you still have to put up with all the ruckus and gut wrenching holiday tunes? See what our fine African and Jewish friends feel about it as they work the register at The Crap!
Merry Christmas to you, little Cindy Lou Who - From Zooass.com
Contents:
Those stupid little Whos down in Who-ville were just too damn happy for their own good. See what our old friend the Grinch had to say to poor little Cindy Lou Who!
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Title:
Sultry Santa
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Season's Greetings from Zooass.com... where naughy is nice!
Contents:
Behold Santa in all his glory!
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Title:
Ho, Ho, Hos
Text:
HO, HO, HOs from Zooass.com
Contents:
You thought Santa used reindeer to pull his sled...learn the truth.
Nothing says I love you like a box of tasty sweets! But be warned, these delicacies are often high in fat, and may pose serious health problems should you overindulge!
Candy Hearts... Zooass style! Enough with the pillow talk. Tell your Valentine what you really want. The perfect way to tell that special someone how much you really care... or don't!
Member Bonus:
15 Additional Candygrams
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Title:
Valentine Fantasy
Text:
A Valentine's Day Fantasy from Zooass
Contents:
Touch the picture and Mr. Roarch and Tattoo will make your Valentine's Day fantasy come true.
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Title:
Love Me Chicken Tender
Text:
Zooass.com
Contents:
We've all heard about the tasty deep fried chicken head found in a box of McDonald's chicken wings. But what they didn't tell you was that the crusty creature could sing a mean Elvis!
Learn more about the infamous chicken head: article 1 | article 2 | article 3
Member Bonus:
hear and see the chicken head cluck to wedding song favorite, The Chicken Dance!
What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Leprechaun? A Mexichaun of course! Donde están mis Lucky Charms? Keep clicking til you find all 8 animations!
Step right up and grab a hammer! Ring the bell and win yourself a Guiness! A carnival "strong man" game featuring our old friend the leprechaun. Play to hear all 8 sayings and win all 6 prizes!
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