Zooass Newsletter #6 - September 5, 1997

HOGGING (vb) : the intentional act of seeking out an
extremely overweight member of the opposite sex for the
sole purpose of sexual intercourse

The Summer of 1992, a bottle of Thunderbird in the
armpit of America, New Jersey.  It was a Sunday night
on the boardwalk in Sleazeside Heights(aka Seaside
Heights).  Sir and I, a good buzz, and our trusty chick
magnets, two red tailed Columbian boa constrictors
named Trouser and Flute.  Oh yes, we were going to get
lucky tonight!  We took a seat on the boardwalk bench
facing the crowd with our backs to the ocean.  For we
were the shit, and the women would come to us...

...Here they come, two guys, a guy and his girlfriend,
a 40 year old couple, a group of young boys, a cute 11
year old girl and her mother.  It was not looking good.
 Everyone was instantly attracted to our location, not
because of our good looks and overpowering
personalities, but because of our snakes.  These were
our chick magnets, and they were not working.

Then it happened.  They approached with a gleam in
their eyes, a jiggle in their chins, and huge sloppy
rolls poorly hidden under their clothes.  Our magnets
had worked and there was no way to turn them off.

We were rude, obnoxious, foul, and borderline psychotic
in our conversations, but they would not leave us. 
They sat in front of our bench on the ground.  Their
legs could not support the weight of their girth for
prolonged periods of time. 

As the night lingered on and our hopes of meeting
decent girls grew dim, these two lovelies began to look
better...a lot better.  Sir and I glanced at each
other, unknowingly thinking the same thought, "T would
love it!"  Whenever a situation offers a course of
action that is against our better judgement we justify
taking that course of action by the story we will have
to tell our friend T.  Undoubtedly, T would love a
hoggin' story, and so our fate was sealed.

We were to pick them up at their hotel and then bring
them back to Club Coolidge.  A one level, three
bedroom, one bathroom shed that would make a sober
woman run in fear, but we knew better then to bring
sober women here.

As our Thunderbird buzz began to wear off it was time
for a recharge in order to get through the night.  Did
we really want to do this?  We were on the fence, but
after drinking an ungodly amount of Mad Dog 20/20 it
was time to pick up the girls.  As they grazed across
the street moving towards my car their bodies began to
block out the light from behind them.  The power of Mad
Dog was no match for these two.  Instead of making them
look better, they looked bigger!!!  FOR THE LOVE OF
CHRIST, What had we done, and what were we about to
do??? 

It was time to take them back to the house that had
been prepped and readied.  The blinds had been closed
so no one could see what was inside, the lights had
been dimmed by replacing the high wattage light bulbs
with low wattage light bulbs so we couldn't see what
was inside, and plastic grapes had been placed over the
first number on the house turning Club Coolidge at 419B
to Club Coolidge at 19B.  This was our cunning attempt
to keep our names and location anonymous.

After taking the scenic route to the house, making it
more difficult for them to find their way back, it was
time for the party to begin.  We broke out Jenga, a
game consisting of 54 wooden blocks stacked on top of
each other.  The object is to remove a block from the
bottom stack and place it on the top without knocking
the stack over.  However, this was no ordinary Jenga,
this was Drinking Jenga.  On each wooden block was
written a command ranging from "Drink 4" to "Perform
oral sex on the person of your choice".  It was not
long before the Fellatio Block was pulled, and our fat
bottomed girls had made a request for condiments. 
Apparently, our portly pretties enjoyed performing oral
sex while the penis was covered in peanut butter,
fluff, and/or chocolate ice cream topping...GO FIGURE! 
With money in hand, Sir was out the door and off to the
convenience store.  Upon his return the Anal Sex Block,
French Kiss Block, and Fuck Block had been pulled and
it was time to cash in the chips and get our winnings. 

Sir lay in his bed with his penis covered in peanut
butter while Jabba the Hut feasted on his member.  In
the next room (lights off in complete darkness), I lay
atop this girl feeling as if I had been elevated 7 feet
off the ground by her wiggling flesh beneath my body. 
As I floated on this sea of fat doing what that damned
Jenga block had instructed me to do I barked at Jabba
to lick and suck Sir clean.  Yes, I was caring and
attentive, but not to the girl I was in.

I awoke to find myself lying in bed alone with Jabba
sitting on the floor next to me caressing my chest (or
lack there of).  In my stupor I realized that the
tongue of the woman that had just came in contact with
peanut butter that covered Sir's cock had just entered
my mouth.  GOOD GOD, but T would love it.  I broke away
and then she said the words that so many females use
and say again and again, "We are normally not like
this".  She didn't mean for any of this to happen.  She
had originally wanted me, not Sir, and was now asking
me out on a date, Pizza or something.  It was time for
them to leave.  I gave them the wrong phone number, and
was punished with the task of driving them back to
their hotel in daylight.

I am jb @ zooass, and from that day forth I was and
always will be the Richter Victor!


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Have a fat free weekend,

JB