The Zooass "Weekly" (yeah right!) Newsletter started in 1997 not just as a newsletter, but as peek into our twisted lives. Well we're old and boring now and the well of stories has seemed run dry, so for now, we're going to use it for - as the word suggests - news. You know... site updates and shit. Never fear though... if a witty tale comes to mind we'll be sure to write about it, send it out, and add it to the menu on the bottom of this page. In the meantime, if you're new to the site we think our old newsletters are worth a read. They'll be sure to either entertain you, or lull you to sleep. Either way the end result is quite desirable. So read on and enjoy!

Has life got you down? Is that deadline at work closing in fast? Do you have iron-poor blood? Perhaps your sex life isn't quite as "spicy" as you'd like it to be. Whatever your silly little problems are, you can now rest easy knowing that Zooass has starting writing to it's loyal viewers each and every week (or whenever the hell we get around to it). By placing yourself on our mailing list, you can be assured that you will be further exposed to the inner-workings of the complex minds that comprise Zooass, which will in turn provide you with the insight necessary to unlock the many mysteries of the free world as we know it. We realize that this must sound too good to be true, but just take a look a some of the hot topics and burning issues that were discussed in the past:

• The Twisted and Demented Sex Lives of the Zooass Staff
• Childhood Beatings and Psycho Chicks With Guns
• Male Yeast Infections and Uncontrollable Bowel Movements
• Bad Things to do When You're Bored
• Pseudo Suicide and Psychoanalysis
• The Hazards of Drunk Driving
• How to Get Scammed Abroad by Broads
• The Legendary Poop Phone

This list will also be used to notify you when we have pointless chat sessions like Zooass Santa Chat.

So go ahead... sign up now and prepare yourselves for total consciousness and splendid enlightenment!

You must be at least 18 years of age to subscribe to this free service because of the adult nature of the newsletters. All e-mail sent from Zooass contains advertisements because this free service is subsidized by advertising dollars received from our sponsors.